+++Personal Log Deacan Rhann 3.22M40.940+++
Something wonderful and disconcerting has happened. We have meet with an Astartes from the Ice Talon’s Chapter of space marines. Seeing him has made me feel a level of exaltation I have never felt before. I felt warm, happy, at home in his presence. He represents everything that mankind should strive to become. Yet other things…emotions have sprung up in his wake, doubt being the foremost of of which I speak. I feel that his presence here has forced me to dig further into my past which is problematic enough. I have never found a need to question my past or my actions. My past is simply my past, but now all those factual events in my life seem to be clouded, fleeting from my memory. There’s a falsehood to them that shakes me. I can’t remember my birthday, my father’s name, my mother’s name. I only remember glimpses, impressions really.
There have also been…rumors. I’ve investigated these rumors and to my horror have found things about myself. Things that I have not delved into as properly as I should. My friend and colleague Dr. Torque has found that I have been genetically spliced with “something” else. Weather that is bionic or xenos in nature either implications frightens me. I have prided myself that I am just another human. My uniqueness is as quantifiable as all other humans. We are all special. We are all unique. But this implies so much more. I know there’s more to what he was saying. When I pressed him for what I was he gave me the “soft” no. It seemed he feared for my well being. I must say, I do as well. I’ve cried myself to sleep over this for the last week. My work is the only thing that has kept me sane. That and Samus…Aquinos, and the others.
I’ve spoken to the captain about such matters. We got drunk together. At least I got drunk…I think he was drunk. I’ve been doing that a lot more lately too, getting drunk. He didn’t really want to address the situation. I think he may be as confused as I am. Maybe he’s not. Maybe he knows what he’s going to do and that’s why he was drinking so much. I don’t know. At this point all I can do is trust in the creator. That I have purpose and continue to do my work for the good of mankind. I will continue to speak with the Gormenghast, ease the suffering of the common man, and bring the light of reason to all who will hear it.
~ Deacan Rhann 1st Emissary to the Gilliam Dynasty